why does obtaining an order of protection make ME a bitch? (repercussions of self defense)

when all controversy between two parties go unresolved, we are to believe that the courts are our saving grace. anyone who has been a party to domestic violence and seeks protection knows that a piece of paper does not do that.

on the surface it appears as though we have achieved some peace by standing up for ourselves. the truth is, we are so conditioned to “patriarchal  victim blaming” that our “uneasiness” does not go away, and with good reason. most of “us” who have gone through this process know that the offender may in fact become more enraged and the “good ol’ boys club” mentality still prevails.

#WhyILeft is a good place to begin open dialogue, but you must also understand that leaving can have the same repercussions as #WhyIStayed.

All to often family members and friends side with the offender, not wanting to believe that their “friend” is capable of violent actions. Instead, it is easier to believe that “she is a bitch.” a woman (or man) is subject to further social victimization whether she stands up for herself or not.

what are women to do when the crusade against “us” has been magnified (perhaps by means of revenge porn)?

i certainly don’t have all of the answers, but speaking out is a good start.


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