why does obtaining an order of protection make ME a bitch? (repercussions of self defense)

when all controversy between two parties go unresolved, we are to believe that the courts are our saving grace. anyone who has been a party to domestic violence and seeks protection knows that a piece of paper does not do that.

on the surface it appears as though we have achieved some peace by standing up for ourselves. the truth is, we are so conditioned to “patriarchal  victim blaming” that our “uneasiness” does not go away, and with good reason. most of “us” who have gone through this process know that the offender may in fact become more enraged and the “good ol’ boys club” mentality still prevails.

#WhyILeft is a good place to begin open dialogue, but you must also understand that leaving can have the same repercussions as #WhyIStayed.

All to often family members and friends side with the offender, not wanting to believe that their “friend” is capable of violent actions. Instead, it is easier to believe that “she is a bitch.” a woman (or man) is subject to further social victimization whether she stands up for herself or not.

what are women to do when the crusade against “us” has been magnified (perhaps by means of revenge porn)?

i certainly don’t have all of the answers, but speaking out is a good start.


Who Needs Privacy?

” The revelation that NSA operatives thought looking at nude and sexual photos found by surveillance was fun, and sharing them with colleagues was just a perk of the job should repel us.”

Paul Bernal's Blog

A couple of privacy stories have been making big news over the last few days. The first is the ‘celebrity photo’ saga – naked photos of Jennifer Lawrence and others have been ‘leaked’ onto the net. The second is the revelation that the Metropolitan Police obtained the telephone records of Tom Newton Dunn, the political editor of the Sun, in connection with the ‘Plebgate’ saga. Between them, the two stories highlight some of the ways in which privacy matters – and at the same time some of the misunderstandings, some of the hypocrisy, and some of the complexity of privacy.

Celebrities and privacy

The relationship between celebrities and privacy is a complex one. At one level – the level usually argued by the press (including the Sun) – celebrities have less of a right to privacy than the rest of us. After all, they put themselves in the public eye…

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Reddit Bans Groups Where Users Have Been Sharing Celebrity Nudes

“We understand the harm that misusing our site does to the victims of this theft, and we deeply sympathize.”


Reddit has banned controversial groups that have been a hub for leaked celebrity nudes over the past week, though the site says the move wasn’t a result of it buckling to outside pressure.

Reddit says “subreddits” like “r/TheFappening” and others were banned for violating the typically-freewheeling site’s community rules after they were covered in links to nude photos that were released following a massive hack of celebrities’ iCloud accounts. The move is unusual for the site, whose small management team typically embraces a hands-off approach to community moderation, leaving it up to the thousands of sub-communities to self-police themselves. Some Reddit users were angered by the move, though Reddit’s team said the situation became particularly untenable when it was realized that some of the links pointed to lewd photos of underage celebrities.

“We put up a blog post explaining why we don’t ban things for reason X (which some people…

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let’s call it a “box” instead of “pictures OF my box “

Mark and Susie are in love. Together they purchase a box(mutual consent).Things don’t work out for Mark and Susie, but each still hold  equal access to the box.

Susie moves on after she puts her half of the box on a shelf in the closet. 

Mark takes his half of the box and shakes it up a bit. He takes his half of the box and puts it on display.

Mark or Susie can do whatever he or she wants with the box, as long as it does not cause harm to the other. When the box is used to cause harm to man or woman(non consensual) is where the controversy begins. 

When the sexuality of the box is taken away and you are left with either a tangible or intangible box, many of “your” presumptions are erased. Your judgement of what is IN the box is gone, because it truly doesn’t matter. 

Mark and Susie have held equal shares of the box even though they are not together anymore. It is the choice (will) of man or woman to do wrong or not, with the box.

Let us suppose that Mark does not realize that his actions are causing Susie harm. Susie tells Mark that his actions are causing her harm (fair warning). Mark continues his actions that cause Susie harm (trespass).

It is as simple as that.

Steve walks by the box that Mark has put on display and has left on display, against Susie’s fair warning. Steve decides (will) that he wants a piece of the box that was left unattended(exposed) by Mark.

Steve takes the box,chops it up and puts it on display in all of Macy’s windows.

Is Mark now responsible for Steve’s actions? No.

Steve is only responsible for his actions (good or bad).

Mark is only responsible for his actions (good or bad).

Tom, George,Harry, and Joe have walked by the box and kept walking. None of the aforementioned man (men) have decided to use that box in any manner that causes harm to another man or woman.

Take that same box and give it another label (ie; property).

Maybe then man and woman will realize who the wrongdoer is. 

My Ex-Boyfriend Leaking Nude Pictures of Me Changed Who I Am—Forever


In 2008, there were no words for what happened to me. Today we call what happened to Jennifer Lawrence and other celebrities—the public nonconsensual distribution of sexually explicit photos—revenge porn or cyber bullying or online harassment. I wasn’t naive. I’d been slut-shamed before. But I never considered that people would think my willingness to talk about sexuality precluded me from the expectation of privacy.

I was in my third year at Harvard, when an ex-boyfriend posted a gallery of nude photos he had taken of me eight months earlier. IvyGate, “an Ivy League blog covering news, gossip, sex, and sports,” picked up the story first, which would later become one of the site’s most popular posts. At the time, I was already in the press for writing what some described as a “sex blog” and it made me well known enough within a certain community—overachieving teenage girls, other Ivy…

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competent council

I am in the process of learning common law. all of this began from searching the means by which i could access the “right to competent council”. To me, i am the most competent, it is my property. i am referring to my house in Long Island, New York. 

all to often “we” have been intimidated by the judicial process, and with good reason. the present statutory code(s)(for the most part) do not benefit man, rather they benefit a club that the common man is not a party to.

i should further explain that in the past i have hired attorneys and did not quite understand why i had the feeling that that great guy that i hired, strung me along and threw me under the bus(federal court). Relatable to many, of that i am sure.

i have also gone “pro se” in the past with success, however, that underlying uneasiness was still present(family court).

common law is the polar opposite of statutory code. common law is not a theory, it is law. statutory code is written by the same members of the club, it is their opinion of how YOU should be ruled.

i do not wish to be ruled by anyone. i know the difference between right and wrong. i know that i have always had the choice as to whether i cause another man wrong or not.

i believe in fair warning.

i believe that there are portions of government that do benefit man and portions that do not.

it is to my benefit that i hold my own court when a matter becomes that which cannot be reconciled privately. that part i did forget about. the entire purpose of court is to settle controversy when an agreement cannot be reached privately. i am a (wo)man and i make mistakes, that is what makes me human, and not an actor of the court.